The breaking of hearts

After a very long, hard, day, I went to pick up my kids from babcia’s house. Matthew was happy as hell to see me, Maya showed the typical indifference. He ran over and hugged me as soon as I opened the car door. His face was still showing the side effects of Novocain from the dentist appointment earlier that day. Anywho… he dragged me over to the garage to show me his new bike that babcia got for him. It’s a hand me down she picked up from someone for the purpose of leaving it there so he could ride when he came over. He was so happy with this shittly little old bike because now he always had it there so we/he could ride whenever we wanted. “Daddy do you want to go for a bike ride with me?” is a sentence that crushed me, I replied with “Sorry buddy, we don’t have time” which did the same to him. It was already past 8:00pm and I still had many more things to get done before the day was over. One of which was getting him and his sister home to bath and bed at a half decent time. I’ve been waiting so long to hear my boy ask me to go biking with him and here it was and I couldn’t. What a miserable life this is turning out to be. Boo-uhrns, boo-urhns indeed.

What sucks about shooting in RAW?

Procrastination.

File 1 = April 27, 2009 all the way to File 1021  = July 4, 2009

Weekend Wedding

We went to my Brother’s wedding this weekend. Approximately 87 GB of photographs were shot between the hired photographic team and our amateur, novice and semi-pro cluster-fuck of family shutterbugs. It was the single biggest waste of mega pixels in history (when you shoot DSLR, only about 50% of the taken pictures are kept, the rest are just taken as a precaution or as a setup). I personally counted about 275,653 shutter actuations (I have an acute ear for such things). Here is a sample image.

Keywords: Boobs, pearl necklace, Rolex, Matthew, Maya, disgruntled, ballerina

Short and sweet

The family is out on a drive to Babcia’s pool. Maya’s asleep in back seat, Matthew watching out the window for buggies and listening to use talk. He inturupts us:

“Daddy! Don’t say FUCK”

I had said fuck, and my son nailed me on it.

My compliments to the chef

Me and my little girl were laying on the couch watching sponge bob. I was in and out of consciousness nodding on and off. At one point when my eyes were closed I felt her reach over and touch my bottom lip. But it wasn’t a touch, more like a smear. She took her finger away and I felt a small lump had been left behind. I closed down on it with my top lid and examined the texture. Soft at first, then a little hard in the middle and a tad salty. I was stumped, I opened my eyes, saw her grinning ear to ear as I reached and wiped the particle off my lip onto my finger tip for a better examination. It turned out to be a booger “Maya did you wipe a booger on daddy’s mouth?!” her replay was delivered in the form of a giggle. She did, it was. So gross. I punish-tickled her for 5min till she promised to never do it again. Rotten little chocolate face.

Working is for suckers?

I love this kid! Matthew, in the crapper last night doing #1. After he’s finished, as he’s doing up his pants he yells out in a really snarky voice: “This is a job for imbisills!”

I laughed so hard I had to myself go #1.

Shave and a Haricut

I came home the other day to grandpa using the vacuum cleaner. He was cleaning up after the kids. Cleaning up what? Hair. Maya hair to be exact. Grandpa said he caught her siting in mommy’s computer hair with a pair of scissors hacking away. The evidence was all over the chair. It looked like someone had shaved a cat. So I went searching for chocolate face to check out the new do. I had grim images in my head after seeing the chair, but when I found her, it didn’t look like anything had happened. Upon closer examination, you could see some sections were drastically shorter then others but it wasn’t that noticeable from a few feet back. So it was time for a heart to heart. “Maya what happened to your hair?” and she replied with such enthusiastic gibberish I coulnd’t make out a single sentence. Here’s what words were decipherable: Matthew, cut, my, hair, toilet, Matthew, scissors. Interesting… Yes she blamed her bother despite the eyewitness but toilet? Time to conduct another interview. “Matthew, what happened to Maya’s hair?” the answer shocked and confused me. It went something like this: Maya, somehow got her head, STUCK, in the toilet. The toilet had turds in it and said turds attached themselves to maya’s hair. At this point out of pure brotherly concern, Matthew grabbed the scissors and trimmed the turds out of her hair. And that’s all. Nowhere in either of their combined lie is the kitty shaving chair mentioned nor is the fact that grandpa had to pry the scissors out of HER hands. She or he also didn’t mention that she had to be smacked in the butt before she would release the scissors and was for that outburst sent to her room. Best I can figure, the turd part of the story happened first before grandpa noticed. Matthew finished the trim and left, Maya then proceeded to the computer chair where she tidied up the shotty job Matthew did. This is where she got caught and where the eye witness account is accurate. That’s the gist of the incident. What is puzzling is that Matthew ALWAYS denies any/all wrong/right doing. The answer to any “who” centered questions is always answered with “Maya did it”. This is the first time he has admitted to anything. As for her, she lied. Grandpa saw her, and stopped her, and spanked her, and grounded her, and she still spun this tale of Matthew and toilets and turds. This is what she does, this is why I have grey hairs.

He prefers blondes

Matthew has a little girlfriend at school. It’s so cute. They hang out together, talk together, collect rocks together and aren’t allowed to sit beside each other on the carpet at school cuz they get in trouble together. I can’t recall her name but she’s a really tall blonde, so his taste in women is similar to daddies. I’m so proud of my son.

Sneaky

It’s night time, Matthew is going to bed after spending about 30min watching TV in my bed with me. Maya has already been down for about 1 hour at this point so she’s OUT. I start by turning off the TV

ME:   “Ok buddy, time for bed.”
HE:   “Daddy, can I sleep with you in your bed?”
ME:   “No buddy, you kick mommy in her sleep and she can’t sleep”
HE:   “Ok I’ll go to my bed, then when mommy comes home I’ll sneak back in here”

I laughed my ass off because I’m pretty sure he just thought that and it accidently got said out loud. I closed off with “You better not” to which he simply smiled and cuddled into my shoulder as I carried him to his bed. I love this sneaky little asshole.

Maya vs. Transformers

So me and matthew were googling Transformers Animated to find images of me products we….er….he didn’t yet own. As we’re cooliris’ing thru the google library Maya comes along and wants to look too. Everytime a transformer Matthew owned came across the screen, she would yell out it’s name. She doesn’t play with or even touch our….er…his transformers (excpt that one time she spoon fed Optimus Prime bath tub bubbles), but somehow, she knows ALL their names. For this, I am so proud of her.