Scientific method

Inventory: 1 Kleenex box (1/2 full), 1 Maya, 1 Matthew, 1 cup of honeycombs cereal.

Problem: 1 Maya, takes 1 cup of honeycombs and empties into top of 1/2 full Kleenex box.

Solution: 1 Matthew removes each Kleenex from box one by one and deposits on floor.

Result: Access to honeycombs restored and they are now confined in a neat container.

Side effect: Bedroom floor covered in unused tissues.

After math: Clumps of hair missing from mommy’s head in fist shaped gaps.

Conclusion: Don’t ever have 2 kids

Do I smell onions?

On the couch watching Teletoon Retro with the kids. Commercial comes on for Sick Kids Hospital. Little girl, no more then 3 or 4 years old comes on the screen with little cute hair just like Maya

TV: …doctors told us it was the worst case scenario…
MAYA: That me daddy!
TV …the most malignant and inoperable tumor that we know of…
MAYA: That me daddy. Look.
TV: …there was zero probability of survival… (Picture of dad comes on)
MAYA: That you daddy!
TV: …it’s impossible to describe the feeling you get when a doctor tells you that you have to say goodbye…
MAYA: That you daddy! Look!

I don’t know if it was the fresh smell of onions being cut or what but my eyes watered up so fast and so abundantly that I needed a towel to get things under control. Once I was able to turn the channel (which resulted in getting reamed out by both my kids), the water flow stopped and I started looking for my wallet. Why would they play something like that on a kids TV station…. Oh wait, I get it.

Liar!

Maya spilled pop on the floor in my bedroom. Not a big deal, I dabbed it mostly dry with a towel and then covered the whole thing with carpet powder to suck any remaining moisture out of the area. This happens a lot around here and they kids know NOT to touch or play or walk on the powder whist it’s sucking.

Scene: Matthew in my bedroom, Maya enters, I follow shortly after. Foot print already present in powder.

MATTHEW: “Maya come here look at my cool foot…..” stops mid sentence when he sees me walk in right behind Maya
MAYA: “Cool!”
ME: “Matthew did you step in the powder?”
MATTHEW: “No”
ME: “Who’s giant ape like foot print is that then?” the kid has huge feet like daddy
MATTHEW: “Maya’s”

He’s got a poker face on him that would make you fold a straight flush on an ALL-IN. We have a professional liar growing up here. Maybe he can be prime minister of Canada someday.