Shave and a Haricut

I came home the other day to grandpa using the vacuum cleaner. He was cleaning up after the kids. Cleaning up what? Hair. Maya hair to be exact. Grandpa said he caught her siting in mommy’s computer hair with a pair of scissors hacking away. The evidence was all over the chair. It looked like someone had shaved a cat. So I went searching for chocolate face to check out the new do. I had grim images in my head after seeing the chair, but when I found her, it didn’t look like anything had happened. Upon closer examination, you could see some sections were drastically shorter then others but it wasn’t that noticeable from a few feet back. So it was time for a heart to heart. “Maya what happened to your hair?” and she replied with such enthusiastic gibberish I coulnd’t make out a single sentence. Here’s what words were decipherable: Matthew, cut, my, hair, toilet, Matthew, scissors. Interesting… Yes she blamed her bother despite the eyewitness but toilet? Time to conduct another interview. “Matthew, what happened to Maya’s hair?” the answer shocked and confused me. It went something like this: Maya, somehow got her head, STUCK, in the toilet. The toilet had turds in it and said turds attached themselves to maya’s hair. At this point out of pure brotherly concern, Matthew grabbed the scissors and trimmed the turds out of her hair. And that’s all. Nowhere in either of their combined lie is the kitty shaving chair mentioned nor is the fact that grandpa had to pry the scissors out of HER hands. She or he also didn’t mention that she had to be smacked in the butt before she would release the scissors and was for that outburst sent to her room. Best I can figure, the turd part of the story happened first before grandpa noticed. Matthew finished the trim and left, Maya then proceeded to the computer chair where she tidied up the shotty job Matthew did. This is where she got caught and where the eye witness account is accurate. That’s the gist of the incident. What is puzzling is that Matthew ALWAYS denies any/all wrong/right doing. The answer to any “who” centered questions is always answered with “Maya did it”. This is the first time he has admitted to anything. As for her, she lied. Grandpa saw her, and stopped her, and spanked her, and grounded her, and she still spun this tale of Matthew and toilets and turds. This is what she does, this is why I have grey hairs.